Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
