i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
