I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
