Ketchup is God's man juice
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
