Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
