If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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