doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
