I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize