I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
