I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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