You're completely useless in the revolution.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
