you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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