You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
