i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
