Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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