at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
