also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize