I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
