Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
