my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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