she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
