So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
