well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
