I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
