One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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