Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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