my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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