You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
