Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
