How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
