I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
