somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
