OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
