if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
