DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I understand Curling. That high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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