puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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