I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think my moral compass just broke
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
