i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
