Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
