so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
