Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
