My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
