Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
