**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize