I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
