Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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