fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
