my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
