According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
