I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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