I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Church boner. Awkwardddd
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
