Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize