I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
