im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
