So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
