taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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