butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
