I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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