If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize