Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
