This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
