this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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