I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Terrible idea I love it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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