I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
