i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
