I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
