Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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