Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
