Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
