I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Come on in and take your pants off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
