You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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