He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
