Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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