Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
