Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
