OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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