Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
